How I Accidentally Learned Tiger Woods is the New Messiah

Tiger Woods got arrested for a DUI in Southern Florida. I don’t know how I feel about that. Which actually makes sense. Who is Tiger Woods to me? Some golfer from celebrity culture. I don’t follow sports, or golf. So why should I care about his fate?

All the same, I’m saddened. He seemed like a great symbol of something. Like, “Fuck you, rich white guys. A black man beat you at your stupid game. Fuck all of you.”

I don’t care about golf, but I know I hate rich white guys. Now Tiger Woods has fallen. We can’t say “fuck you” to rich white guys. 

Donald Trump plays golf every weekend, costing American taxpayers millions of dollars each time. That’s what we get. While Tiger Woods is having his photo taken by the police, Donald Trump plays golf all the time.

God damn it.

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